There are a million leadership articles written by all levels of experts analyzing whether being liked or respected is more important.
Some say respected, some say a combination. Others say whether you are a man or a woman, your age, and experience are a factor. Is there one right answer?
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
-Michael Scott
You are not always going to be liked – that’s a fact of life. Earning vs. demanding respect, however can impact your level of likeability. We touched on this last Friday’s in our Office Hours discussion on strategic leadership. Making decisions for your organization promptly and with integrity is a key focus in earning respect. You will make some decisions that not everyone likes – but if you act with integrity, they will respect you for it eventually. Focusing too much on whether people like you gets in the way of making good decisions and being a good leader.
Once upon a time, being respected meant being feared. Leaders demanded a level of performance and deference because their past accomplishments and position entitled them to it. Leaders used job pressure and busy schedules as an excuse for being out of touch with the “little guy.” A title doesn’t actually make someone better than others. If a leader in today’s world is short tempered or exceptionally detached, they come across as arrogant and callus more often than strong.
Your leadership approach is driven by your personality, your instincts, and your commitment to growing and improving yourself as a leader. Some have to work more on emotional intelligence and others have to put more effort into learning how to manage difficult conversation. In reality, if people don’t like you, they won’t respect you whether you are a man, a woman, experienced or green. Conversely, they won’t respect you if you only care about being liked. Your style will determine what level of likeability works for you.
Being liked and respected aren’t mutually exclusive. There is a happy medium and there are nuances. But functioning at either extreme is problematic. Leaders who focus on learning, listening, and acting from a place of sincerity, will find that the balance isn’t so difficult to manage.
Jim Collins – The X Factor
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